Dear Almost Husband,
Ever since I was in high school, I wanted to find someone who would stick by my side. Not because they had to, but because they wanted to. Life had taught me that people always leave. Friends, family, my own father… People were always leaving and I felt so alone.
When I went off to college, I decided I would never get married, even though deep down in my heart I wanted that more than anything. I put this vision in my head that I would end up as a 35 year old professional dedicated to her high profile career. I dated, and then I dated someone I almost married.
I look back to my previous relationships and my heart aches. The emotional abuse, the fighting, the drinking, the drugs, the cheating, the ups and downs and constant turmoil. Just thinking about those past relationships makes me feel exhausted.
I was so close to going down a scary path. Getting married just because I didn’t want to be alone. I remember sitting in church and the pastor would say over and over again, “Do not be unequally yoked.”
Hearing this always stung. I knew in my heart that the man I was about to marry was not the right one, but the loyalist in me was going to stay. I had so many justifications. Us humans are VERY good at justifying our actions regardless of how blatantly God has stated the opposite of our behavior.
I thank God every single day that He brought me so, so low in order to build me back up. My greatest pain has now become my biggest blessing, and I think you feel that way, too. Never in a million years did I expect to be marrying a man like you. A man who is grounded, faithful, intelligent, caring, loving, and not to mention, handsome. Oh, the list is a mile long, and I’ll love you always, even though you have very stinky feet.
You are the man I prayed for during some of my darkest moments when all hope of marriage was lost. I’m so thankful God brought us together. Life is SO full with you by my side. I cherish every memory that we have made, and I look forward to all the adventures to come. The good, the bad and the ugly. You truly are my home Andrew Schroeder. I can’t wait to be your wife. Happy Valentine’s day my love.
Recommended Read: Sacred Marriage
After writing this, I remembered something that we did when we first started dating that might be helpful to other couples out there! Whether you have been married for ten years or dating for two, the book Sacred Marriage was so enjoyable to read together.
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It opened up great conversations around our expectations and the meaning of marriage. I can’t recommend this book enough. It’s a total game changer. It blends psychology, religion, and personal experience in a fabulous way.