Love & Marriage

The Real Reason We Got Married 3 Months Before Our Wedding

March 8, 2019

I’m Miranda.
You can find me in Indianapolis, Indiana with my hubby Andrew, daughter Ryan and our pup Porter. I believe everyone has the power to create a home, life & business that they LOVE.
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The Real Reason We Got Married 3 Months Before Our Wedding 

Modern, Vintage Winter Courthouse Wedding | Miranda Schroeder Blog |

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This has been on my heart to share for a couple weeks as people kept asking us why we were getting married three months before our destination wedding.

Our most common response was, “You have to get married in the United States before your destination wedding, and courthouse weddings only happen during the week.

Andrew had a random Thursday off of his crazy schedule, so we picked that day.” That entire statement is true, but why three months before the “actual” wedding celebration? I’ll get there, I promise.

#1 Getting Married Out of Country is Complicated

First, we knew we had to get married in the United States before flying down to Mexico for our destination wedding. The requirements for making your Mexican marriage legal in the United States are absolutely crazy.

We are talking, go down AT LEAST three days before your wedding to apply for paperwork, get a blood test, and an X-ray. Have your ceremony officiated by an appropriate person, and then run all your signed paperwork back to a government office afterwards.

Not how I want to be spending my vacation! For this very reason, our wedding planner mentioned that 95% of US Citizens get married in the states before or after their destination wedding. We decided we would do it before. I didn’t want to have our wedding and honeymoon and still not be legally married!

#2 Andrew Has a Crazy Schedule

Medical residency is not the most fun time. Not only is Andrew super busy with work, his schedule is constantly changing. He runs around from clinics to hospitals to nursing homes.I can’t keep track of his work days for the life of me. Some months are much worse than others. In February, he worked two weeks straight, some days from 6AM – 9PM.

It’s really hard to put in for paid time off. The hospital requires at least three months in advance. When we realized we needed to get married in the US on a weekday, we checked his schedule from now until the wedding and February showed two weekdays off.

One was Valentine’s Day and the other February 28th. Getting married on Valentine’s Day seemed way too cheesy, so we opted for February 28th. I called the Country Clerk’s Office, made the appointment, and reached out to our families.

#3 We Wanted to Act in Obedience to God

Here we are. The most compelling reason to get married three months before our big, destination celebration. Andrew and I both follow Christ, but for most of our relationship we have been so wrapped up in each other that we weren’t exactly putting God first.

It’s blatantly obvious that we have been “shacking up” for over a year without being married. A few months ago, we had a wake up call. We were living life out of alignment with our core beliefs and something needed to change.

The Real Reason We Got Married 3 Months Before Our Wedding 

Modern, Vintage Winter Courthouse Wedding | Miranda Schroeder Blog |

I think the thought and discussion of kids really stirred up this conversation. Would we want our kids to live like this? No! I don’t foresee us telling our kids, “Hey, live with your boyfriend/girlfriend before you are married. You should really just test it out.”

It was time to refocus.

As we started refocusing on our relationship with the Lord, we both had feelings of guilt and conviction. We had gotten really good at coming up with justifications for living out of alignment with God’s will for our lives.

“But we love each other so much. We aren’t hurting anyone. It’s no one else’s business.” Until we realized, whoa, but are we hurting God? This was when we made the choice to abstain until we were legally married. In moments of weakness, all we had to do was think, “Do I want to dishonor God right now?”

The Real Reason We Got Married 3 Months Before Our Wedding 

Modern, Vintage Winter Courthouse Wedding | Miranda Schroeder Blog |

A few weeks later, we sat through a sermon in church that was all about being obedient to God and getting baptized. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks… For me, being obedient to God at this time in my life meant sanctifying my relationship with Andrew through marriage. With this realization, the choice to get married as soon as possible became bigger than myself, and that my friends, is what Andrew and I had been working to get back to in our faith.

More Blog Posts on Marriage & Relationships:

    The good news is that it’s never too late to make a change! I am not “preaching” and telling you to change anything specific. What I am saying is that if something doesn’t feel right in your heart, you have all the power needed to realign your life.

    Photography: Alyssa Denhartigh // Flowers: Wasserman’s Flowers & Gifts // Hair & Makeup: Dockside Salon // Dress: Lulus // Jean Jacket: Zara but Thrifted Free People (Similar) // Shoes: Mix No 6 (Similar) // Hat: GiGi Pip

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    1. Kandace Boos says:

      Congratulations on the wedding- wherever and however it happened! I’m thrilled to hear you both are finding ways to bring your lives in to alignment with your faith. I also wanted to add a little encouragement that God is probably not dishonored by a loving couple, sharing their home and lives before their government processes the paperwork to make it official. My husband and I did everything "right" by the standards of purity culture, and I found that the first few months after our wedding were exhausting, uncomfortable and so so much pressure. We had to withdraw from several ministries we were part of and take time away from our social lives while we figured out how this new normal would work- as well as thank you cards, moving stress, change of name and address stuff, etc. Now, as a mom, I hope my children never have that experience in such a time of celebration. I hope they feel that I would support them in any living situation that was loving, healthy, and safe. Since our newlywed years, I have often thought that I wished we’d taken it slower, had the chance to move in together (and all the things that go with that, ahem) before we’d so inextricably linked our lives and souls- especially through children. We’ve now found ourselves in a faith community that has a lot less invested in the housing and sexual lives of its members, but spends much more time talking about our character and our persuit of justice and mercy. That’s what matters more. So all that to say, don’t feel shamed or out of alignment with God because of how this came to be- God is much bigger than that! ❤️ Blessings on your marriage!

      • Miranda Allen says:

        Thank you! This is so beautifully said. I’m just now learning that there is a such a difference between shame & guilt. We definitely do not feel shame for loving one another! I am a firm believe in, "above all else love one another." And speaking from experience, I do have to say that living together for a year has made this such a smooth & joyful transition into married life. I wouldn’t change a thing in that regard. In the end, I just want to be a role model for our future children & I get the blessing of working on that before they even come 🙂 Thank you for your kind words of encouragement! They are so appreciated.

    2. Courtney R says:

      I made a similar decision. I’ve always had faith in God but did whatever I felt like doing and felt bad about it later. As I moved closer to marriage and was engaged to my husband I (not we!) decided to be abstinent in the three or four months leading up to marriage. My husband agreed to go along, but wasn’t happy about it. It made me feel better in my heart that I could make a change to make the Lord happy, and it was only for a few months.

    3. Courtney R says:

      Let me clarify that my husband was abstinent too lol. He just felt like “why does it matter we’re getting married too and we’ve been sinning this whole time anyway.”

      • Miranda Allen says:

        I can totally relate to this! & like I tried to summarize at the end, it’s not about what is right or wrong! It’s completely personal and what you feel in your heart. So glad you decided to listen to that tug. It feels amazing to live in alignment with what we personally believe! (no matter what that is)!

    4. Rose says:

      I love that you were convicted and acted on it! I believe that’s all God wants…us to continually seek His will and depend on Jesus to cover our shortcomings.

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