As much as I like to share, “How to style nightstands,” I never want to neglect hard conversations on this platform. Over the last year, it’s become increasingly difficult to watch everyone around me start or grow their family. It’s causing me stress and pain and fear that I never knew it would.
The last time I wrote about this topic, I received a flood of messages thanking me for opening up about the subject. I also watched hundreds and hundreds of Instagram followers disappear. The sad part of all of this is that I was simply sharing my heart and my hurt. And here I am, doing it again.
It feels like every single time I open Facebook, my entire newsfeed is baby pictures, pregnancy announcements, and mommy vent sessions. Please, please, please do not think I am not supportive of these people. In fact, I’m absolutely elated for them. I love seeing families overflowing with joy and happiness as they have children and become parents.
It’s absolutely beautiful, which is why I think it creates this huge hole in my heart. This massive fear of missing out. I’ve never felt so distant and disconnected with others in a similar life stage.
You hear new mother’s say, “I’ve never loved something so much,” or “I realize that nothing else matters so much,” and then you start doubting if you have ever experienced a real, true, deep unconditional love. Are you missing out? Are you less? Are you incapable of feeling the highest level of joy on earth because you don’t have a tiny human? Will your adult relationships dissolve?
I never felt this intense pressure until we got married. After our wedding, there was definitely a shift in conversation around the topic of having children. It became more real, and coincidentally, all of our friends started having babies right around the same time we said, “I do.”
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Whether you are single, but want kids, are having trouble getting pregnant, or just not sure if you and your spouse will have kids, seeing everyone around you expand their family can hurt. All in their own unique ways. I had no idea these feelings would come until I was feeling them. Know that, you are not alone. God has a plan for you, your family & your future family. We can rest easy in that.
At 50 years of age, married and childless, I can assure you that if you don’t bear offspring it is entirely possible to make a great life and be content with it. And social media be damned to make anyone feel otherwise. Take care.
Haha thank you Tina! It is so helpful to hear from others who are farther along in this life.
Just a random thought but sometimes I too feel like I’m missing something even though I have a daughter. Although I love her so much and wouldn’t take back having her, I still love my husband better. Sometimes I miss our life we had before having a baby. I feel like an unloving freak-mom when I hear people say, “I’ve never known a love like this” or whatever because, I have and it is still the strongest with my husband. I’m glad you are sharing and empowering others to share their experiences because when the truth is told, I think we are all over the spectrum with our thoughts, feeling and experiences surrounding this!
Thank you so much for your beautiful & honest comment! You make such a good point & I love hearing your perspective on this.
[…] finger. Why do I know this? Because I. Have. Been. There. Now instead of getting diamond rings, all my friends are growing adorable tiny humans, but that’s a whole different […]